I Was Born by the River....

Epilogue: for my birthday, my good friends actually ended up throwing me a surprise party. It was really wonderful to have people from all different parts of my life hanging out together. Normally, I avoid the friend-mixing conundrum, but after the party, for the past month, I have been experimenting with it. The returns have been good so far, if not a bit eye opening. People get along and don’t need my babysitting, even though in my mind I am the glue holding their very existences together. If you give people more credit, they will pay dividends, I suppose. New Years was a perfect example of that. Almost a perfect way to usher in the New Year, save for one blight via AT&T (not the actual phone company, think bigger). In fact, I can remember laughing so hard in a while. Those of you who know me have heard me complain about 2004. This year is going to be different.

For some people, there are moments of clarity that occur that are so sudden and unadulterated that they can immediately see the forest for the trees. I am not one of those people. There are rarely triggers that elicit reactions that are so pure and visceral that I suddenly know all the right answers. (Usually, I am pretty unclear on the question at hand.) It takes time, often too much time, to understand my emotional wherewithal. However, in one moment on New Years Eve something came together for me. Maybe it was months and months of good friends alternatively telling me how stupid I am and how worthwhile I am within the same breath. Maybe it was the cumulative effect of the outpouring of love and support I received on my birthday. Maybe it was the emotional rush of metaphorically beginning anew at the stroke of a clock. Maybe in one phone call, I realized that if I opened my eyes, that all the love I needed wasn’t on the other line. It was all around me. Or maybe it was just too much champagne….

Whatever it was, it was clear that I am better than how I have been treating myself and I need to hold others to that same standard. This is not to say I am totally abandoning my feelings or pretending to be at peace with something I am not. But, moments of clarity come rarely to me, so I must take advantage of this one.

2005 is going to be different for many reasons. This message has been brought to you by Lifetime Television for Women, movie of the week.

Oh, and our Quizzo team is still undefeated since early September!