True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Monday, April 18, 2005

No, We're Never Going to Survive Unless We Get a Little Crazy

As an aside (as if the whole blog is not some big aside), Skippy’s entire posse thought that Philadelphia was uber-friendly and not that crazy compared with other cities. Yes, I will concede friendly; the citizens here have character for sure, but not crazy? Just today I had a woman ask me if I were a magician because I “have that look.” Then I saw a man pissing on a newspaper stand while others stood in line for magazines. I work in a building that contains holding cells for dog’s sake.

Two nights ago a tiny woman, probably in her 40's, who just left the Nelly concert asked me for a directions to the Four Seasons hotel. We were standing in Love Park at the time, and I was on the phone, but that didn’t stop her from coming up to me and asking. When I told her to hold on a moment, she became visibly upset. Fuming, she noted that she thought the Nelly concert would be all country music (She was fooled by his duet with Tim McGraw, as so many of us have been!), so she was having a disappointing evening. Seeing that this walking privacy violation wasn’t going to leave me alone or give me a minute to talk, I hung up the phone and I started to tell her where the hotel was (2 blocks away, not rocket science). Though I was very clear, she said I was too confusing and asked if I would just walk her there. I told her I would take her as far as I could that wasn’t out of my way. She was pissed, but I think she saw that I clearly drove a hard bargain. On the way there she asked me, in earnest for a piggy back ride. I said no. She asked if we could exchange shoes. I said no. Normally one would assume another is joking when one gets asked these questions by one who is a stranger. But this one stranger had the look of crazy in her eyes, the kind of crazy that would have hopped on my back regardless of my permission. So, my level of success in this situation would be measured whether I escaped her without having to physically throw her off of me. She told me she had just moved to Reading, PA, where she had been mugged 3 times since moving there. I said, “Maybe you shouldn’t talk to strangers so much.” She said, “Maybe YOU shouldn’t talk to strangers. How would you like to give me a ride to Reading?” My frozen fake smile was now just the memory of a real smile that used to reside in that part of my face. I wished her well and parted from her at that corner.

I made a mental note to fix whatever is within me that attracts crazy strangers.

A woman in an elevator the other night was pissed that the hotel dance party had to end at 1:00 am. I apologized for her loss. She, as wide as she was tall, assured me that it was because Pennsylvania is a “stupid, blue state,” so that’s why all the bars close early. I can’t even begin to know what she meant by that.

Not to mention there are people in this city who say things like this and this.

Philly has its share of crazy.


  • At 11:18 PM, Blogger jg said…

    this is the type of post that only someone from a stupid blue state could write. obviously.

  • At 12:30 AM, Blogger xxx said…

    i want to be a stick figure when i get married too.

  • At 12:30 AM, Anonymous computerhands said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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