True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Jazz Hands!

A narrow quizzo win last night. We squeaked out a victory over one of our rival teams. They sqeeeeed with joy with the results were announced before the final rounds, as they were in the lead by a point. But alas, we clenched victory from their salivating jaws and continued our streak. It’s kind of pathetic how our team gets so into it. And by that, I mean it’s pathetic how I get so into it. Luckily for us, the final round was Broadway Musicals. So basically…Oh my God, y,all. It was a gay-off. We had to have a team name that fit with the theme of Britney Spears pregnancy. (She’s so knocked up, y’all.) We used the moniker “Southern Fried Fetus.” Yum!

Some interesting facts we learned last night:

*The United States bought the U.S. Virgin Islands from Denmark.

*”Popular band” REO Speedwagon was named for a brand of fire truck.

*I Love Lucy was the first sitcom taped in front of a live studio audience.

*The HB on pencils stands for Hard Black.

*And Florida has more female divorcees than any other state.

Today is the birthday of the fabulous secretary of my office, Miss Sandy. Sandy is straight out of 227, replete with all the sassitude of Jackee and Marla Gibbs. She is the wonderfully supportive, devout and does not take any attitude from anybody. And whenever I do something she finds funny, she screams, “GO AHEAD!” One day I was speaking Spanish on the phone to someone who called the wrong office, and she threw her hands in the air, screamed and asked God to send his blessings to me. I am not sure why. She just received an anonymous donation for her bills from someone in her church and believes with resolute conviction that this money has been sent directly from the Lord. When I got her a dozen multicolored roses for her birthday today, I made sure she knew they were from me, lest she think Jesus also gave her these flowers. What!? He gets credit for everything! Anyway, Sandy takes care of me, calls me her cracker and gives me food all the time because I look “too damn thin. Sheeeit!” Happy Birthday Sandy!

This news about the whale in the Delaware River brings out the inner Ahab in me. Everything’s coming up Melville!

And now, it’s tax time. At least I don’t wait until the very last minute.


  • At 7:26 PM, Blogger Alex said…

    Zach your blog is hysterical and thought-provoking. Consider yourself bookmarked. You may now mention this fact at dinner parties, where it will surely draw envious gasps.



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