True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Swedes, Schlongs and Angel Songs

Another quizzo victory for our team last night! We defeated a ragtag group of obnoxious law students (description courtesy : the Department of Redundancy Department) from Temple. We were helped immensely by the fact that the music round was television theme songs, including the theme from “Touched by an Angel.” JB is a huge fan of anything that involves Della Reese, so of course he knew it. One of the questions last night was “What is the state fruit of New Jersey?” JB, without skipping a beat, screamed out “Jim McGreevey!” Even the moderator lost composure and cracked up. One round was dedicated specifically to questions and answers involving the great garbage state of New Jersey. Those questions did not include, “Why can’t I ever make a God damn left turn?” What did we learn at quizzo this week?:

- The city with the most breweries at the turn of the century: Philadelphia.
- Galileo invented the thermometer.
- Avon, as in Stratford-upon-Avon, means “water.”
- Sildenifil Citrate ain’t nothing but another name for Viagra.
- And incidentally, the state fruit of New Jersey is the blueberry, not the tomato. Christine was right.

I was just given a copy of “Roxette’s Greatest Hits” the other day, and my love affair with the Swedish super group has been rekindled. Sure, we all remember “Joyride” and “It Must Have Been Love.” But when was the last time you let yourself be taken to a higher and deeper level of being by listening to forgotten gems “Dressed For Success” and “Fading Like Flower?” Whatever your answer, it’s been far too long. Since we last heard from them, singer Marie Fredrikson has recovered from a nasty case of brain tumor and is now recording a solo album. Their music makes me want to bake a cake full of sunshine and flowers and feed it to the world. However, obviously they will never replace ABBA as the most influential musical Scandinavians in my life.

MSNBC, always on the cutting edge, breaks this story, putting to rest a myth that has been plaguing the Chinese since the dawn of time. Rest easy tonight, Beijing, your penises are no smaller on average than those of the rest of the world. Of course, this study was conducted in Hong Kong, so methinks the Chinese doth protest too much if you catch my drift. A group of scientists in Hong Kong spent five months from October last year measuring 148 ethnic Chinese volunteers aged between 23 and 93. Good news for guys out there who claim to be “growers, not showers,” it turns out that penis size is not static and the length of the penis can change throughout a lifetime. Even better news for the Italians and Germans, as their Italian Sausages and Bratwurst, rank respectively as the world’s largest schlongs. Another victory this week for Ratzinger!

Hooray for Connecticut! Connecticut yesterday became the second state to offer civil unions to gay couples -- and the first to do so without being forced by the courts.


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