True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Abdominal Nazis, Scientologists and Tire Irons

Chop and I, intrepid as always, ventured to the gym to try out a new class called Summer Six Pack. No, I was not asked to instruct the class. The person who did instruct the class was a squat woman with bleached blonde hair and an indeterminate Eastern Bloc accent. She could best be described as mix between Bela Karolyi and Eva Braun. Her teaching style was a series of staccato instructions that went something like this: when I say don’t stop, you better not...I mean it!!! Chop and I looked at eachother with dread, and then we both instinctively looked toward the exit, but it was too late. We were her bitches. She walked around from person to person and screamed at them that our legs weren’t high enough. She shouted numbers in no particular order (vunn, too, sree, fi-eeve, ni-een!), and made empty promises about how many crunches we still had to do. It was a nightmare, but I will go back for the comedy and because she tapped into a good motivation to make me exercise- making me feel really bad about myself.

Last night I went to see War of the Worlds, and as suspenseful as it was, I couldn’t take it too seriously with crazy Tom Cruise traipsing all over the countryside escaping aliens one close shave after another. I didn’t want to kill Dakota Fanning, which is high praise on my part. The best part of the evening, and I mean this as sarcastically as possible, was when I got a flat tire at the end of the night. During the apocalyptic downpour. In Delaware. Luckily, one of my more surprising attributes is that I can change a tire in no time flat all by myself. CC, who was with me, acting my Lamaze coach, said I should enter a contest. It’s always fun to do things that surprise people. She couldn’t have been more surprised if I actually gave birth on the side of the road. I have never done that. When I told Yos about it, he had this to say:

Me: I changed a tire all by myself last night.
Yos: Were you sober?

If nothing else, my reputation precedes me.

Overcoming my computer-operating ineptitude, with the help of assclown, I have added some of my favorite links to the left side of the page. These are sites that I read frequently. I am humbled by their creativity, and I steal from them as often as I can.

1 Comments:

  • At 6:03 PM, Blogger somegirl said…

    or imagine being magically whisked away to...delaware!

    ...hi, i'm in delaware.

     

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