Best Christmas Song Ever

There are some questions which require an opinion as an answer. To those questions, often one of several opinions will suffice. However, some opinion questions have a correct answer. This is one of those questions.

What is the best modern Christmas Song?

Answer: "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses.

Some of you might have said, "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey or "Last Christmas" by Wham. And you would have been close. However, "Christmas Wrapping" has no parallel. There are countless reasons why, but let's just concentrate on a few.

1. Baddest bass line ever to appear in a Christmas song. Right after the initial build up of sleigh bells and guitar licks, the bass player's fingers freak out and rip into the song. If you're not animatronic, your head will begin to move forward and backward, pivotting at the neck.

2. The drama! This is not just a Christmas song extolling the virtues of the holiday. This is a dramatic retelling of the annus horribilus of our heroine as she tries to get a damn date to work out. Every time she and mystery man make plans, something happens. His car won't start! She has sunburn! (In the third degree!) It's such a bad year that our girl decides to not celebrate Christmas. Can you imagine a worse end of the year? (Jews, please skip this question.) It takes Christmas magic and a coincidental shopping mishap to bring these star-crossed lovers together. Christmas is back on! Turkey dinner for everyone! Sigh....

3. It's the only Christmas song that it's appropriate to listen to all year round. Period.

4. A coworker and I discussed how we woke up to it the other morning, and we were both so happy to start the day. There are not many songs, Yuletide or otherwise, that can do that with such universal appeal. Sure, my sample audience is two people. But that's all it takes to make a thing go right according to Rob Base. Thus, I am right.

I need to go to bed now, and I can't come up with any more reasons beyond these. But if everyone could be as happy as I am during the holidays when I hear this song, then there would be peace on Earth. And that's what this time of year is all about.