True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Today in Craig News

It’s kind of my not so secret dream to meet my soulmate on craigslist’s Missed Connections page. Everyone knows that, and I think more than a few of you share this sentiment. However, it’s difficult to go through all the ads, sorting through the crazies to find your one true love. So, I will make your life easier and find some crazies for you. Beware. Hairy forearms, medically threatening erections and a Buddhist with nice nips follow, to wit:

Dominatrix in the window of the CC Marriott 12/02, 1pm

I don't know if you check this sort of thing, maybe you do, since you are obviously in the adult industry

Anyway I saw you through the window at my office on Market Street (directly across from the Marriott) on Saturday- you were wearing a black corset and black underwear and black stockings and looked so good. I hope that you don't find this too sleazey, but I have had the hardest erection ever since I laid eyes on you. It won't go down, I had to call out of work today- I am not joking.

I hope you see this and contact me, I really want to meet you and see if you can cure me before I have to seek out a doctor.

You guys! There is a man running around the business district of Philadelphia with an insatiable boner, stalking an exhibitionist dominatrix. He also doesn’t have spell check. Let’s examine the many, many layers of awesomeness in this bloomin’ onion of a craigspost. Some woman is trying to drive men who work on Saturdays crazy with her dominant sexuality. He questions whether someone this classy would even check craigslist. But the best part is that this guy called. out. of. work. because of an erection. I hope he has a lot of vacation days and a good HMO. I would be broke if I solved my problems that way.

Lost Cardigan at Nodding Head

To my dear poor lost cardigan, you were my favorite. Now you are gone. Hopefully one day you will find your back to me.

(Plan black button up cardigan, with the top button having cherries on it.)

Again, with the spelling! But we are going to forgive her because this is an adorable ad. It could only be better if a man had a super, constant erection because of the cardigan sweater. I hope it gets returned to her because there’s something desperate and poetic about writing a Missed Connection to an inanimate object. I appreciate that.

Indian guy about 3 weeks ago on Fri. night in scrubs. - w4m

You were in scrubs with 2 sandwiches/ 2 drinks. It looked like you were on call and had run out get you and a buddy something to eat. You looked most likely of North Indian descent with fairly hairy forearms. I think you're about 5'6 (?!) and very thin, but I like that. :)

I was the cute blond in a black coat trying to think of anything to say without either sounding like a pervert or socially maladjusted. "Come here often?" "So you like the red Gatorade... oh wait that's for your friend?" "I like your hairy forearms?" Uh, yeah.

Me? I come to Penn's campus often. I'm successful in biz field and well educated with my own degree from Penn among others. So if you remember someone "breathing heavy" when you tried to pay for your food order... it was probably me.

So if you're single, drop me a line. :)

This is awesome. There is a little Wharton, blonde cutie running around Phialdephia with a hairy forearms fetish, down with the brown. Girlfriend was heavy breathing at Club Wa for Vishnu's sake. She tries to claim that she is not a socially maladjusted pervert, which she automatically is for preemptively denying it. She imagines a conversation wherein her fetish is revealed. And then she almost trips over the many academic degrees she subtly dropped into the conversation like an Acme anvil. She ends it with a smile. Psycho. Skinny, hairy Indians, watch your skinny, hairy backs.

mad hot sex in northeast.... best booth sex ever

..wo... totally hot man.. made passionate hot love for about 5 dollars worth of our timen friday night... u were amazing.. and cute.. and fuk.. it was just incredible.. cum everywhere.... it was porn hot ... chemistry rules.

all in a booth.. fuk man.. what a world...

anyway.. it took me a day to get that smirk off my face

Besides the tenuous grasp on anything resembling the English language (it's from the Northeast; it's all good), this post is notable for the fact that he measured the time they made love in dollars. How?! Simple micoreconomics dictates, after all, that money is exchanged for goods and services. Also, if you sing this post in a falsetto and change the word “man” to “girl,” it becomes a Prince song circa 1986.

And now I will leave you with what happens when a big sexy, nipple-bearing monk strolls through the gayborhood. As you might imagine, it’s not exactly nirvana.

Raised Consciousness - m4m - 28

You were walking up 13th St. this afternoon practically bare-chested, wearing nothing but an unzipped hoodie over red Buddhist (or... Hare Krishna?) robes with sandals. You stopped me dead in my tracks as I exited a restaurant and I'm sure you noticed my dumb-struck reaction (partially to your exposed nipple but also because you were so damn sexy). I guess a guy as smokin' hot as you are isn't bothered by the cold weather. You certainly made me feel warm inside. I want to meditate upon your beauty, and I would gladly give up my leather for you...

Clever. What are the gay men's chorus members wearing these days? I love that last bit about the leather. Hey! I know someone who loves leather (see above), and he’s experiencing the worst part of tantric sex as we speak. Maybe you can contact him?

(Shout out to all y'all who helped make my birthday fun. I probably don’t remember seeing you, so just tell me you were there. I felt very loved.)


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