True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

That's Eccentric, No?

I have had my second pseudo-celebrity sighting (yay alliteration!) in as many weeks in the good old Gayborhood of Philadelphia. And of course, by “Gayborhood”, I mean 4 square blocks with about four bars and tons of tranny hookers. Yesterday, not once, but twice, I saw the runner up from Bravo’s Manhunt, Rob Williams. The show was maybe the worst reality show ever, unless you love closet-case pretty boys with fragile egos and rock hard pecs. Which I do. It could never achieve the pure, unadulterated brilliance of America’s Next Top Model. I walked past him twice at different times on the same block, which makes me think he might have just been loitering for the sake of attention. How transparent can one get! Sadly, I must report that in person he is devastatingly handsome. Thankfully, he stumbled a little bit on a sidewalk crack, which made me feel better about myself.

When I passed him the first time, my stomach actually kind of dropped when I saw his eyes- they're that pretty. I was on the way home from the gym, so I looked rode hard and put to bed wet; I was in no state to talk to someone so beautiful. The second time, I passed him from behind. He stopped to look at posters on a building. I had my chance. I thought about saying hello, but I didn’t want to feed the ego of some reality television star. Also, I probably would have stumbled over my words, which would have made him think that a.) I was “special” or b.) he was so important and good looking that I couldn’t effectively communicate. He would have been correct on both counts. I wonder if he’s my new neighbor. If anyone has the scoop, please elucidate!

Yesterday on my lunch hour, since I had no time or money, I went shopping. I bought a nice summer suit for some upcoming weddings. I was with Chop, and he basically peer pressured me into buying it. It’s light tan with a baby blue shirt underneath. I am still not entirely sure that I can pull it off without looking like Crockett and/or Tubbs, but I am willing to give it a try. I let assclown know that I will be subsidizing payment of the suit by taking away a portion of his wedding gift, since some of my justification for buying it was so that I could look uber-hot for his wedding. Chop assures me that it was a good purchase, and since it pains him to compliment me, I took his sentiment to be sincere. If you come to my apartment, I will try it on for you.

Got a call from an ex last night, CF. He’s all borderline nervous breakdown studying for the bar exam and wanted to let me know he was alive. Duly noted. Also, he wanted to know if I were making any references to him on the blog, since he didn’t interpret the last one as favorable. I assured him that I struggle every day to think about things to write that don’t involve him, but somehow I muddle through. There's a reference for you, C! :) That said, he should do very well on the bar exam; he’s a hard worker.

Hey! Maybe this Karl Rove thing will slowly escalate into a maddening roller coaster of secrets and lies, a tangled web he wove, if you will (And, oh, you will.), rivaling Watergate for inspiring distrust of a corrupt administration and its shady politicking! Eh, or not.

What Americans want in the new Supreme Court Justice picked to replace (the irreplaceable in our hearts) Sandra Dee: a Hispanic woman who wouldn't alter ‘Roe v. Wade.' Are these Baja Fresh-eating, fetus killers the same people who elected George Bush II to the White House twice? Well, America is probably right that appointing a minority woman to a high government post ensures that Liberal views will triumph over all. Right, Condoleeza?

Emmy nominations were unveiled this morning. If Arrested Development doesn’t clean up, y’all crazy.

Finally, it’s been a while since Sandy the Secretary has uttered a gem worthy publication. Today Sandy got a phone call from Judge Fabulous, calling from the distant shores of Italy. She was calling to inquire about a cheap ring that she lost that she believes a cleaning lady stole. (FYI: no one would steal this ring.) She called during her dinner to see if Sandy and I would search her office, moving furniture around, to make sure the world’s tackiest ring wasn’t hidden away. Commenting on the fact that the Judge called during her dinner to demand the ring-hunt:

S: What’s that word that’s like ezentrix?
Z: Eccentric?
S: That’s it. You know how everyone says that the homosexuals are eccentric?
Z: I do now.
S: Well, all the ezentrix people I know are straight.
Z: Eccentric. Do you mean crazy when you say that?
S: Motherfucking crazy. But I bet some gays are ezentrix, too.
Z: I can’t deny that. Eccentric.
S: Shit, I know you can’t. Extenrix?
Z: Eccentric.

And you can’t deny it either. Go Phillies. I will be at the game tonight.


  • At 9:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    --"Are these Baja Fresh-eating, fetus killers the same people who elected George Bush II to the White House twice?"

    Yikes, Z.

  • At 2:59 PM, Blogger xxx said…

    you picked a good game to go to.

  • At 3:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Rob is on the urban outfitters web site. he was probably in philadelphia working on that.


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