I Yell Like This Because I Love You
My best friend, Craigers, supplied me with interesting information this weekend. Guess who wants you, homos and fruit flies?! (Hint: Not Uncle Sam).
The Tyra Banks Talk Show Wants You...
Are you a woman who’s in love a gay man and want to tell him?
Are you a gay man who has a female friend who is in love with you?
Are you a woman who’s attracted to gay men? Do you try to date gay men despite their attraction to the same sex? Do friends think you’re crazy?
If so, please call *** toll-free at 888-569-*** or e-mail her at ***. [Redacted because I am not here to help you].
That's right, y'all. Tyra(nt) Banks is starting her own talk show, and she needs a panel of crazy fag hags and the flamers they inappropriately love. I kind of want to go on the show, so if anyone is interested in pretending that she lusts after my lithe body, email me, we'll talk. If I get no takers, I am just going to pretend that I am going to be on the show; and be warned: I will talk about it constantly. Two of my high school friends and I convinced our senior year Honors English (Yes, there was a big difference with Honors classes, whatever.) teacher that we were going to be on the Carnie Wilson Show (called Carnie!) so that we could skip a day of school. The made-up topic was "My High School Bully Needs a Makeover." Sadly, the show was cancelled in an untimely fashion, so we were not able to skip school under that brilliant guise. Damn you, Carnie!
Moreover, I am so happy that Miss Tyra's talk show will help reinforce her pre-Copernican notion that the world revolves around her. In many ways, it does. Thus, I curse her singly for her mastery of the ways of the runway and her ability to sass and head-bob her way through the best television show in the history of the medium. I curse her doubly for recording music with little regard for anyone's musical sensibilities or well-being (See "Shake Ya Body," but proceed with caution.) . And I curse her trebly for being so damn fine!
However, after the wonder that is "Being Bobby Brown," I will not rest until Whitney Houston has her own talk show. She will take you behind over there, behind that tree, and work. You. Over.
The Tyra Banks Talk Show Wants You...
Are you a woman who’s in love a gay man and want to tell him?
Are you a gay man who has a female friend who is in love with you?
Are you a woman who’s attracted to gay men? Do you try to date gay men despite their attraction to the same sex? Do friends think you’re crazy?
If so, please call *** toll-free at 888-569-*** or e-mail her at ***. [Redacted because I am not here to help you].
That's right, y'all. Tyra(nt) Banks is starting her own talk show, and she needs a panel of crazy fag hags and the flamers they inappropriately love. I kind of want to go on the show, so if anyone is interested in pretending that she lusts after my lithe body, email me, we'll talk. If I get no takers, I am just going to pretend that I am going to be on the show; and be warned: I will talk about it constantly. Two of my high school friends and I convinced our senior year Honors English (Yes, there was a big difference with Honors classes, whatever.) teacher that we were going to be on the Carnie Wilson Show (called Carnie!) so that we could skip a day of school. The made-up topic was "My High School Bully Needs a Makeover." Sadly, the show was cancelled in an untimely fashion, so we were not able to skip school under that brilliant guise. Damn you, Carnie!
Moreover, I am so happy that Miss Tyra's talk show will help reinforce her pre-Copernican notion that the world revolves around her. In many ways, it does. Thus, I curse her singly for her mastery of the ways of the runway and her ability to sass and head-bob her way through the best television show in the history of the medium. I curse her doubly for recording music with little regard for anyone's musical sensibilities or well-being (See "Shake Ya Body," but proceed with caution.) . And I curse her trebly for being so damn fine!
However, after the wonder that is "Being Bobby Brown," I will not rest until Whitney Houston has her own talk show. She will take you behind over there, behind that tree, and work. You. Over.
posted by ZRW @ 10:42 AM
1 Comments:
At 12:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
Sign me up, I've pretended to be in love with worse men than you and for a lot less than a tv appearance (e.g. dinner).
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