Monday Bloody Monday

The other judge with whom we share our chambers got a phone call this morning from a woman who claimed she couldn’t make it to jury duty because she had her period. In her overshare of a message (which we heard on speaker phone) she said that she had a “killer headache” and was “bleeding all over the place.” I put down my bright red, berry V8 Splash and implored the gods above to allow me to start my Monday over.

Of course, Sandy had something to say about it: “Shit, this woman and her lame-ass, weak-ass excuses. I used to work at a place with all women. Shit, my boss was a lesbian, and that excuse was never allowed. What about poor Zach? Is he going to call up and say, ‘Oh, my dick hurts so bad today. It’s so damn swollen, I can’t be on jury duty.’ That bitch need help because she ain’t deep!”

I couldn’t even begin to explain what any of that meant even if I felt fully awake, never mind first thing on a Monday morning. But I do know one thing: you can’t fight logic.

Touché, Sandy. Touché.