True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

You Got It Bad. You're Hot For Teacher.


Oh Goodness! It’s my 100th post! Ever!

In order to celebrate, I have gifts for you, the loyal readers! Keep reading!

Never let it be said that True Enough For You is lacking in educational content. I know that knowledge is power and that there is no greater gift that I can give to my readers. I feel like my readers supply me with power. Cycles are so in right now, so read this and learn something, damn it! For those of you who haven’t quite caught on, the knowledge herein is the gift I promised above.

Shut up, just keep reading.

You would probably be best not to mess with Philadelphia. No really, they will cut you. Those singers always look so innocent, too. Philadelphians get especially mad when they don’t make the playoffs. If they don’t carry pocket knives, they carry machetes. Oh, and don’t EVEN get them started when you start talking shit about their football team. As we have seen, this warning goes double for those who actually were on the roster for said football team.

What’s that noise you hear? You probably thought that the Democratic party was dead, but apparently they have a pulse. It may be faint, this pulse, but it appears that Democrats won a few big races in the latest elections held yesterday. (Yesterday was election day? I know, right?!) New Jersey and Virginia held onto their Democratic governorship strongholds (despite visits from George W. Bush during the campaigns). Some Pennsylvanians even had the good sense to stand up to intelligent design by wiping the slate clean of their conservative school board. The federal trial, however, still looms like a dark cloud over the separation of church and state.

In another sign that the apocalypse may be upon us, not only did Tyra Banks don a fat suit in a very special episode of her magnum opus/talk show, but it turns out that three out politicians were elected in Ohio. That kind of stuff doesn’t even happen in places that gays actually visit (or have heard of)! Congrats to them. However, the election news wasn’t completely glorious for the gays. It turns out that, in a move that surprised no one, the Texas electorate came together to ban gay marriage once and for all. This was notable for many reasons, among them: the KKK showed up to mount a protest in favor of the marriage ban and, um, most people didn’t realize that gay marriage wasn’t legal there to begin with. Those silly Texans!

Gays can’t get married in Texas, but pandas can get married in Thailand. Yeah, that about says it all.

One reason why gay marriage may never be legal is that when given the misguided notion that they are talented designers, a minimal budget and apparently an unhealthy amount of acid, they do things like this to innocent bedrooms. Maybe when the terror stops, widespread acceptance of gay marriage will begin. As Gijyun said, "Okay, you know what? if someone did this to my bedroom, i'd fire them, rehire them, and fire them again."

Consolation? Here's a list of the best man on man kisses in the history of cinema. I am all about number two on the list.

In the meantime, whether you’re gay, straight or a panda, you should check out what Time magazine calls the 100 best novels written in the English language since 1923. (Sorry, Ulysses.) I was surprised to see that I have actually read a bunch of them. I was even more surprised to realize that I have never heard of some of them. Seriously, take a look. It’s in a book. A reading rainbow. You. Can. Do. Anything!

Do you know where you are right now? If you’re an American, chances are you don’t. Year after year, Americans are ranked somewhere near the bottom of the pile regarding geographical awareness. This website helps stupid Americans, not unlike you, learn more about your place in this world and other places, too. Thanks to MP for the heads up. Take the quiz and see if you can identify countries in a certain amount of time. Also, see if you can beat 90% accuracy (who cares where Benin is, anyway?).

Now, if I gave my humble servants as much information as I just gave you, the reader, there would be a damn uprising up in here. I am off to feed them so as to avoid any hateration in this dancerie. Until next time, learn where Turkmenistan is, for your sake.

4 Comments:

  • At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    But what's the Panda divorce rate?

    --KG

     
  • At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Jewboy said…

    I am so bummed. My Rabbi during my youth, Rabbi David Kaye, was just outed on a Dateline investigation episode regarding sexual predators of young boys.
    I thought this shit only happened to jesus worshippers.

     
  • At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I saw that Dateline! The priest that presided over my marriage ceremony claimed that he suffered from "Sleep Sex". Apparently this is an actual condition (yeah, right) where one performs sexual acts, often violent, while sleeping. Perhaps when one suffers from this affliction, you should avoid sleeping next to 14 year old boys. Our priest chose to sleep next to 14 yr old boys even though his defense in court was "Sleep Sex." Nice. -KG

     
  • At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1896181.stm

     

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