Awkward Moment: A One Act Play of a Family and Preferred Method of Strengthening Genitals and/or Bladder Control
Act I, Scene One
(Dad, Stepmother, Z, Brother, Sister all travel home from an Italian restaurant in a nondescrpit SUV. The air is crisp, but not bitter. Flurries fall. The heat in the car is ON, the radio is ON, slightly audible, playing the playoff football game. No one in the car has an emotional investment in the game. It is but white noise. [note: this makes it DEEP and MEANINGFUL and borderline EXISTENTIAL] The family continues a conversation that began at the dinner table, in a tone more serious than warranted, about the state of the ass of Sister's fiance.)
Sister: He's nervous it's going to get a big ass from having an office job.
Stepmom: That's called the "Secretary's Spread," honey.
Brother: I always thought it was just called OA. "Office Ass."
(giggles ensue, as much laughter as this family lets itself experience)
Z: He'll have to do those exercises you can do just sitting at your desk. What the hell are they called?
Dad: Kegel exercises.
(stunned silence for minutes)
Z: (sotto voce) Please never say that again.
(more tense silence for minutes)
Brother: I don't even think that helps the ass.