10 Complete and Utter Lies About Me
2. I was so convincing speaking Hebrew at my Bar Mitzvah that no one even knew I wasn’t even Jewish and faked the whole thing to make some extra cash as a 13 year old.
3. I had a number one hit in the early 90s with “Informer,” an exciting hybrid of rap and reggae that drove teens wild.
4. I had a bit part in the movie “The Preacher’s Wife,” starring Whitney Houston, playing a parishioner who believes in miracles and gets “taken by the spirit.”
5. I miss my 3 illegitimate, half-Japanese children who currently reside in Binghamton, NY, but not enough to send them child support payments.
6. The combination of his political integrity, fine looks and good morals makes me want to have sex with Karl Rove.
7. Valtrex helps me live a normal day to day life, although I am aware that it only prevents outbreaks and doesn’t completely make the problem go away.
8. I alternate chewing Kodiak Long Cut and Skoal tobacco, and I always swallow what I should spit out, just to remind myself I am alive. Grrr.
9. I'm a lot like you so please. Hello? I'm here; I'm waiting. I think I'd be good for –you, and you'd be good for me.
10. I feel that Star Wars wrongly portrays my father. The only things my dad actually has in common with Darth Vader is that his arms and legs were cut off in a sword fight, and he was burned to near-death by liquid hot magma.