True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Friday, June 10, 2005

10 Complete and Utter Lies About Me

1. As a youngster, I fell into a well in my backyard. My daring and dramatic rescue was televised for all the world to see.
2. I was so convincing speaking Hebrew at my Bar Mitzvah that no one even knew I wasn’t even Jewish and faked the whole thing to make some extra cash as a 13 year old.
3. I had a number one hit in the early 90s with “Informer,” an exciting hybrid of rap and reggae that drove teens wild.
4. I had a bit part in the movie “The Preacher’s Wife,” starring Whitney Houston, playing a parishioner who believes in miracles and gets “taken by the spirit.”
5. I miss my 3 illegitimate, half-Japanese children who currently reside in Binghamton, NY, but not enough to send them child support payments.
6. The combination of his political integrity, fine looks and good morals makes me want to have sex with Karl Rove.
7. Valtrex helps me live a normal day to day life, although I am aware that it only prevents outbreaks and doesn’t completely make the problem go away.
8. I alternate chewing Kodiak Long Cut and Skoal tobacco, and I always swallow what I should spit out, just to remind myself I am alive. Grrr.
9. I'm a lot like you so please. Hello? I'm here; I'm waiting. I think I'd be good for –you, and you'd be good for me.
10. I feel that Star Wars wrongly portrays my father. The only things my dad actually has in common with Darth Vader is that his arms and legs were cut off in a sword fight, and he was burned to near-death by liquid hot magma.

2 Comments:

  • At 12:19 PM, Blogger xxx said…

    god damn you half japanese girls.

     
  • At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Valtrex Prescription Information said…

    My name is Lisa Betty and i would like to show you my personal experience with Valtrex.

    I am 33 years old. Have been on Valtrex for 18 months now. My HHV-6 IgG levels have not dropped, but my fatigue did improve enough to get me out of bed most days. This is one of the best things I've done with fighting chronic fatigue syndrome to improve my health. I also experience shingles in my neck while already on Valtrex, and I am positive that it helped keep the rash to a minimum.

    I have experienced some of these side effects -
    I have to wash off the blue coating because I react to dyes (and GSK will no longer sell the drug to compounding pharmacies). Mild constipation upon initially starting it which resolved on its own.

    I hope this information will be useful to others,
    Lisa Betty

     

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