A Baby Can Go Blind If You Give It Too Much Light...

I'm not dead. I got laid off.

Judge Fabulous decided that she no longer needed a clerk, so I have been busy trying to find a new job. This was a surprise to me. It was a rainy Friday afternoon. She called me into her office, late, natch. She sat me down to tell me that she was no longer in need of a clerk (she did not add that it was partially because she hired a personal assistant whom she could make do all of the jobs she was having me do). She said that it wasn’t personal, but having a clerk was a bit of a headache. She gave me no notice. Legally, she wasn’t required to do so, but professionally she would have been less of a bitch. I have really bad luck with work.

Sandy was inconsolable and cried when I called her to tell her. A lot. She sent me a card in the mail telling me what a good person I was and inviting me for lunch at Chili’s. Like the Scarecrow, I will miss her most of all.

I am happy to leave the office since I did not find it professionally or personally rewarding, but I would have liked to have left on my own terms. I am hoping that it creates a positive change and that I can find a good new job that I enjoy and that challenges me. And where I don’t have to park the car of the laziest person in America.

I won’t say too much more about it, but on the way out of the office Judge Fabulous told me she knows things will be ok if I start to believe in God. Jigga What? Yes, when he closes one door, he opens another. In my head I responded, “How dare you tell me that, you fucking cunt (pardon my language)!” But instead I smiled, shook her hand (which is still missing the ring over which she tried to get cleaning staff fired), cleaned up my stuff and left.

If anyone knows someone who wants to hire a destitute lawyer who’s not too hard on the eyes, please let me know. I will also accept any donations and food you send my way. Thanks!

Also, thanks for all the support from friends. Someday when I am rich and famous, I will cook you dinner, too.

Otherwise, not too much action to catch you up on. Most other areas of my life are surprisingly going very well. As an aside, I am a believer (like GA) that at no time can all the parts of my life be going well simultaneously. That is, something will always be wrong. When GA ran this theory past her mother, she recommended that she see a psychiatrist. I would do that, but I have no health insurance! If my appendix bursts, I am just going to lie there and take it like a man.

I retreated to the homestead for a bit, took some time to send out resumes and get errands done. I have had lots of time to read the shit out of some fiction and get a little zen. I have frequented the gym and gone running some. Besides having no income, I am leading a pretty good life. Unemployment here I come. I dream big, and it’s always been my dream to apply for unemployment benefits by the time I was 30. I am now 27, and as always, I overachieve!

My semi-regular updates shall recommence….now.