True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Craig Rants: Seared in the Flames of Withering Injustice

On this day that celebrates Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., we should pause for a moment and reflect on his dream. MLK had a dream that children of all colors could come together and play in a colorblind world. He dreamed that people of all backgrounds could come together and share ideas and insights.

If you slap a 100-point-maximum IQ level on that bitch, you're basically left with the Rants and Raves section of Craig's List. Then again, maybe it's just my dream to have a bunch of barely literate, functionally retarded people gather to express their oh, so valid opinions.

You see, my recall of said dream is kind of vague. My high school gave us the day of for the first day of Buck Season, rather than celebrate the King's legacy. Don't judge, how else would you be enjoying that venison kielbaba every Christmas?

Anyway, free speech is awesome/not awesome depending on which entry you read. Read on to be Free at last, free at last (from intelligence, class and proper grammar)!

Let's see what God's Children are discussing these days, furthering the dream of Martin Luther King, Jr.:

On abortion:

"If life is so precious and sacred, why not outlaw masturbation and force me to make a daily deposit into a bank? That's 'potential life,' isn't it. So are the dead skin particles in my bedsheets which we will be able to generate into life before long. Why not vacuum those guys up and stick them in a jar?"

Does anyone get the feeling that doesn't get the opportunity to potentially impregnate the ladies often?

Or how about a poem entitled: If You Can't Support It, Abort It?:

"Yo whats up!
dis yo boi raheim from fuckin two twelve knowhutimsayin.
I just wanna ring in on dis issue of abortion an'shit nah'mean.
Like on the real- i gots like 5 kids and dey wuz all accidents.
Now dees bitches want me to pay child support and buy pampers.
I mean like whut? I planted the seed Now i gots to pay?
Dats sum bullshit.
I dont even like dees women and now I still have to deal wit dem.
I hate dat shit.
Imma tell you like dis. If you can't support it- abort it.
Dem bitches be chasin' you down for duckets and I aint havin that.
Next time i knock a bitch up imma tell her to go to the free clinic.
Dat shit aint actually free- but its better than payin' long term for dem rugrats."

If only Robert Frost were able to weave his words around the topic like raheim. Johnny Cochrane would love the title.

Now you're probably wondering what people think about men in pink shirt. Cutting edge, topical, controversial, right?


"The color Pink is like dicks..
It's for chicks you silly faggots"

And the counterpoint:

"how can you say that after seeing how cute/adorable/hot jm looks in his pink shirt. with the collar popped up of course. i think he is so fucking cute. i don't drink but am thinking of going to the bayou just to meet him in person. he is lovely. so whatever your deal is.....FUCK OFF ASSCLOWN."

Ok, I can't get behind the popped collar, and pink is pretty much last season. Morevoer, I can't get behind someone who admits in public that they don't drink.

Plus, maybe it's time for the gays to take ownership of the pink once again. Thankfully, this vitally important dialogue has been set in motion.

What about racism? Oh, like Prego, it's in there.

"Google Martin Luther King....all my browser comes up with is.."Trouble makin *ig*er"

Also, "Wite People Suck." A poem which you can read here.

Horrible. There are about 40 posts like this all on the front page, which I won't dignify. I just wanted to call attention that studpity and racism go hand in hand.

What about historical facts? Craig's got them!

"When Christopher Columbus set sail today in 1493 from Hispaniola (now divided into Haiti and the Dominican Republic), he left behind a garrison of 39 Spaniards - in effect, the first true colony in the New World, predating Sir Walter Raleigh's Roanoke by 91 years. Like Raleigh's colony, however, Columbus's ended tragically. Indians massacred all 39 members before Columbus returned in 1496."

Hmm, interesting characterization of who massacred whom.

More importantly, apparently America's fattest tourists are coming to town:

"We want FRIED HOT DOGS! My wife and I saw this special about hotdogs on TV and they show a place (Ruts?) in NJ somewhere where they deep fry the dogs and I cannot believe there is no place in Philly or even PA somewhere where they do his too. Anybody got any ideas?"

They are probably coming to town in one of these amazing vehicles, pointed out to me by one of the 2 friends of mine who I know have dated a crack dealer.

Ok, fine one more. What is the dream really about?

"I have a dream....My dream is to get as much sex as possible. I can never get enough. The more cocks the better. Martin Luther King wanted equality, I want to be treated like the bad girl that I am. I need to be used & punished. Can you help a hot girl like me fulfill my dreams?

This is in or around My Thong"

Sigh. We shall overcome.


  • At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've actually been to was near my school. Maybe i can help the fattest tourists out.



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