True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Komm Susser Todd, Maus

How did I celebrate Martin Luther King Day? Well, I threw a party for the Golden Globes, inviting everyone I knew to dress as their favorite civil rights leader. For some reason, no one else showed up, leaving me sitting alone on my couch, dressed as Rosa Parks, holding a platter of cocktail weiners.

Anyway, I made sure to sit on the front end of the couch.

It was lovely to see Reese Witherspoon and those Gay Cowboy lovers pick up some Golden Globes. And its always nice to see Scarlett Johannsen's rack. However, during the ceremony, I realized someone was watching me.

It was a mouse. I think. I don't want to say too much about it here, as I am currently coming up with ways to evict and/or kill him, and like Brian Fellow, I just don't trust animals. The Mouse, named Thurman (rhymes with vermin) may be able to read this page, bringing my readership into the double digits. So, no secrets will be spilled.

I will keep you updated on what I wanted to call Mouse Murderfest 2006, but a certain Vegetarian (G) in my life has persuaded me to try and rid myself of the problem in the most humane way possible. I think he actually wants me to build a little play pen for him and feed him some tofu or something. That means I even promised to throw away the glue traps I set out to trap the bastard. We'll see how ling that lasts. I am not usually known for my humane side. Unless I see him plaintively staring out my window and singing "Somewhere Out There," it's probably not going to surface.

In other news, watch out Hershey! Mayor Ray Nagin is calling for rebuilding a "chocolate" New Orleans. By this, I can only imagine that he is trying to dethrone Hershey, PA as the sweetest place on earth. Mr. Nagin eloquently stated, "I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day," Delicious!

"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about," he said. Sweet! or you could do this.

Oh, and then realizing he did have quite enough crazy on his face, he continued.

In his speech, Nagin also said "God is mad at America," in part because he does not approve "of us being in Iraq under false pretenses.He is sending hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it is destroying and putting stress on this country," Nagin said. He said God is "upset at black America also." Ray, I know Pat Robertson, and you, my friend, are no Pat Robertson.

I don't even know what all of that means, but I am totally craving a black and white milkshake now.

It's Ben Franklin's 300th Birthday! (Don't tell anyone, but I think he's dead.) Philadelphia's got Benergy! And the worst marketing campaign for a city ever. Celebrate by donning wire-rimmed glasses, flying a kite, inventing electricity and insisting that the national bird is the turkey.

John Corzine takes over as Governor of New Jersey today. However, Jim Mcgreevey will still serve as State Fruit. Zinger!

Finally, do we think this person is my distant cousin? We share a last name.


  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    everytime i read your blog i love you more and is it the two biggest lushes in philly never go drinking together...we will have to bump it soon!--double

  • At 1:04 PM, Anonymous moi said…

    who IS that guy??


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