True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

(Day After) Humpday Asshole: JC, Not the Carpenter

You know this guy. You've probably deleted him from your myspace account sometime recently.

If you haven't deleted him, here's some reasons why you should. We at the True suggest you add him as a friend and then delete him immediately.

1. Regardless of circumstance, pees sitting down.
2. At any moment may strike you with the force of a category 5 hurricane, as he is trained in the art of Tae Kwan Do, but against his sensai's sage instruction, uses his powers for evil.
3. Deliberately, not to mention eggregiously, drives around with his left blinker on.
4. Knows all the words to the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Starlight Express. Yeah, the one on roller skates.
5. Reminds you that his academic background is prestigious, even while dry humping you at a bar.
6. Owns four books about Mormons, and as if that's not enough, has only read 1 of them.
7. Once, just to piss off vegetarians, ate a veal-stuffed human baby.
8. Has a wing named after him at the free clinic.
9. Is secretly rooting for Santino to win this season of Project Runway.
10. Routinely feeds false information to Wikipedia.

For these reasons, and many more, JC is our (Day After) Hump Day Asshole. Jesus wept.


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