True Enough For You

Check your thighs in the mirror, ma. I'm done.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Humpday Asshole: She Ain't In My Bathroom

There's a lot I don't understand about the world. In particular, there's a lot I don't understand about professional athletes. The NBA seems to claim the title of Most Reprehensible Professional Athletes. Whether Kobe's siccing his lawyers on a hateful smear campaign against an alleged rape victim or the Indiana Pacers are beating up [stupid instigating] fans, you can always count on someone from the NBA to make you swell with pride in humanity.

Sometimes the actions of these upstanding citizens send them spending a night or two in the slammer; sometimes they just get you the Humpday Asshole (trademark pending) from my humble little site. This week's Humpday Asshole is:

The 76ers' Lee Nailon

The Talented Mr. Nailon had to miss last night's game against the Sacremento Kings because police responded to a call regarding a domestic incident at his house.

Now this should be enough to garner Lee the Asshole honors, but no he took it a step further.

The radio this morning was reporting that Nailon hit his wife in the face. She then locked herself in the bathroom and called the police. When police showed up to Nailon's home, he claimed that his wife was not home. Not smooth.

Sometimes the cops can be a donut or two short of a dozen, but it doesn't take Lenny Brisco to figure out that, um, your wife just called from the bathroom. To make it worse, your brains are a pretty consistent match to your basketball skillz as of late.

To wit, Nailon has seen action in 22 games this season and is averaging 4.2 points per outing for the Sixers. That's about as much as Kobe Bryant scored in one night last week. Seriously. You know that if you expect the public to forgive you for domestic abuse, you at least have to be good at basketball.

If you're performing well on the court, then the fans will turn a blind eye to whatever you're doing to your poor wife at home. If you're scoring like Kobe, then fans will look the other way no matter what you're doing, whether it be eating a live baby in the middle of the court or, well, rape.

What's also awesome is that you made in salary this week what I will maybe make this year. And you probably don't even tip your hookers well, after liking it rough.

So, for beating your wife, lying about her whereabouts and just basically sucking the life out of an already pretty lifeless team, I deem you ASSHOLE. And that's only because I can't nominate you for instant extermination.

Also, I am an asshole for forgetting to pack a lunch today. On the brightside, it will help me maintain my Deneuve-like cheekbones.


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