Sunday Night Conversation
Interviewer: Thanks so much for taking time from your busy schedule to join me tonight.
Z: No problem. But nothing too judgey! I don't have to put on pants, do I?
Int: No. I wouldn't expect you to. How are you feeling today?
Z: I have to admit, I have certainly been better. I am way beat from last night.
Int: Hmm. That's what we heard. Why do you think you drank as much as you did at that party?
Z: You know, I don't think I actually drank all that much. I just drank a lot of different kinds of alcohol. It was a party; I wanted to try a lot of things! For some reason, I went from zero to wasted in 30 seconds.
Int: Well, thank goodness you didn't do anything too embarrassing.
Z: See, here's the thing. I was a bit obnoxious at times. I spilled a drink all over me. I don't know what it was, but it was pink, natch. It went well with my light khaki blazer. And towards the end of the night, I was only speaking in laughter and slurs.
Int: You were laughing?
Z: I know, right?
Int: Seriously. At least you didn't fall down a flight of stairs.
Z: No, but my friend did. I was too wasted to speak, but not so wasted that I didn't think to immediately take a picture of the fall with the camera on my phone. It's my background right now. I then had to run outside because I was laughing so hard, I almost threw up.
Int: So how do you explain the huge hole that ripped in the crotch of your favorite jeans?
Z: That may be the biggest mystery of the night. Sadly, I can assure you it was nothing sexual.
Int: What, there were no "straight" guys to hook up with?
Z: Cheap shot. Next.
Int: Don't you think you're a little old for this behavior?
Z: But I was dressed up all classy and shit!
Int: That doesn't make it any better. In fact, it might make it worse.
Z: It's not like I killed a homeless man on the way home or something.
Int: Not that you remember.
Int: Anyway, is there anything else new?
Z: Yes. Actually, one of my best friends just got engaged.
Int: Well, it wouldn't be a week in your life without finding out about an engagement.
Z: No, I am happy about this one.
Int: Sure you are. How's the new job?
Z: It's nice actually. The people are cool, the work doesn't make me want to kill myself.
Int: That's a high standard for you. Cheers!
Z: Thanks. It is harder to blog there, of course.
Int: When do you think they'll fire you?
Z: Sooner than later. Oh, I ran into someone I used to work with while I was clerking when I was getting money at Wawa the other night.
Z: He called Judge Fabulous the C word. It was awesome. And he said people were sad when I left.
Int: God knows you were the most super fun person at that place.
Z: Besides Sandy, yes.
Int. Of course. One last thing. Was DMX's skin really that perfect?
Z: His skin was so clear it was like a mirror. I was smitten and I wanted his dermatologist's number. That's not a weird question to ask a rapper, right?
Int: Not at all. Thanks for sharing, and hey, lay off the sauce for a bit, K?
Z: Sigh. I thought we said nothing too judgey!