This is from the Overheard in New York Website. If it’s true, I need to be best friends forever with these teens.
Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in beeyotch."
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
I found a fun game to play last night on the internets. It’s called iPod Tarot, click for more info
. Since I am the last person in America to not have an iPod, I just used the mp3 player on my computer to determine what the cosmos has in store for me. Basically, you put your player on shuffle and the next 5 randomly determined tracks read your past, present and future. Here's a sample from my ominous mp3 reading yesterday:
1st Track: The Significator. This track symbolizes the nature of the question, which in this case was, "Will I ever pull my life together?" I got “Boys and Girls” by Blur. This is the song that says one should take his chances, “looking for girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they’re girls who girls like they’re boys…it always should be someone you really love.” So, short answer: No.
2nd Track: The Opposing Forces. “Enter Sandman” by Metallica. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in about a week and a half, so this could be accurate. Luckily no one in my dreams is trying to run me over with an 18-Wheeler, like the video for this song. “Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight.”
3rd Track: The Past. What has already happened. “The New Kid” by the Old 97’s. “Believe me every year, there is another one here. Don’t you see I used to be the new kid? I am sorry to say, you’ll get carried away. Oh, you will be replaced. You will be replaced by the new kid.” And “The new kid, he’s got money. The money I deserve.” Um, yep.
4th Track: What May Be. “2 Become 1” by the Spice Girls. How embarrassing. I hope this means I get to hang out with Geri Halliwell
. But I suppose it means I am supposed to be a big whore in the future. Sweet. Maybe I will even get to have sex with Ginger Spice
5th Track: Sum of All Track Readings. “A Change is Gonna Come” by Aretha Franklin. Isn’t this an optimistic way to end my reading! “It’s been a long time coming, but a change is gonna come!” Coincidentally, I was born by the river in a little tent;Oh, just like that river I've been running ever since.
Sandy, Stephon and I broke it down CJC-style this morning in the Chambers. They were having an important debate on whether one should eat sugar in his or her grits. (Sandy was anti-sugar in the grits, for those keeping track). There is an almost-daily debate about something in the office between these two, and it usually centers around some sort of food, especially that of the breakfast variety. The two of them order huge breakfasts every morning while I make do with my apple and bagel. I tried to stay out of the debate, as a non-grit-eater I didn’t think it would be fair to interject. As fate would have it, Sandy asked me what I thought, so I responded, “Sandy, you know a Cracker like me don’t eat grits.” And she said, “Shit, you right child. You never know what’s gonna come outta that mouth because this boy is DEEP!” I can’t even being to understand what she meant by that, but I wasn’t lying- I really don’t eat grits. That said, I don’t think sugar would be appropriate with them.
The debate ended as Sandy wanted to watch the end of Matlock on the Judge’s office television. “Don’t nobody love Matlock like I do, everybody!” she got up and exclaimed after tacitly procuring victory. Well played, Sandy. Well played.
Lending credence to the Nature (as opposed to Nurture) theory of how gays get gay
in the first place, it turns out that gay dudes’ brains work the same way as women’s when it comes to pheromone response. Gay men apparently respond to testosterone. Duh. No word , however, on how gay men react to Glow
by J.Lo, but the reaction is probably positively FABULOUS.
Finally, I wish I were the law clerk that got to write this footnote in an opinion published by the 7th Circuit. That it seems to be written without a trace of irony makes it more brilliant than any comedian could have intended:
“The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch 'hoe.' A 'hoe,' of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Ms. Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing 'hoe' to 'ho,' a staple of rap music vernacular, as for example, when Ludacris raps 'You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.'" U.S. v Murphy, fn 1.
Cheers to you, lowly law clerk!